Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I ache I miss my son so much.  I am so weepy these days.  I can't help it.  I just have this Michael sized void in my soul.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to tell us that we are in your thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to tell me your memories of Michael.  I can't promise that I won't cry.  I can't help it.  But I want to know your memories of him.  And crying is ok. Please continue to talk about him.  Please continue to call, write, e-mail, comment on this blog ... whatever.  I may not always answer the phone or respond to an e-mail, but I listen.  I read.   I want to hear from you.  

The thoughts and comments from others keep us going.  They buoy us in these dark days.   I cannot begin to put into words how much we appreciate our family, friends, and community members.

13 comments:

Brett said...

just stumbled across your blog, its late here and i should be shutting the computer down, but just kept reading your words, my heart goes out to you.

Cindy said...

I think I've told you before, but one of my favorite stories/memories is when we went scrap booking together at the church crop and you whipped out those "mascots" that Michael gave you to inspire us. That was hilarious, you put them out on the table and didn't we laugh about them all night? And then the next few times we cropped, I couldn't wait to see which figures he would send. What kid thinks of that kind of stuff? He was so, so funny and full of such spirit. Remember how we used to laugh that our two kids were, like, the ONLY two kids who knew the words to "Big Butts" prior to entering Kindergarten? Meanwhile, our friends kids were learning church songs, and our kids were singing Sir-Mix-A-Lot!
I have more Michael memories, but don't want to be a blog hog. I'd rather share them with you in person:-) Soon.

Keri said...

I read this everyday now,and went back and read your whole blog, and everyday I pray for you, I can't even imagine your loss, my heart breaks for you, but i am praying. I am so sorry, that you lost such a great wonderful boy, that now I know through your beautiful words. keep writing.

Anonymous said...

I bought some new lipstick the week before Michael came here for spring break. I put it on and asked Michael if he liked it. He said "No Nana, not really". I asked him why and he said "I don't know I think it's kinda weird". Pa tried to tell him that there are sometimes when you don't have to tell everything you know. Then later I had a different color and I asked him if he liked that one. He said "You better ask my Mommy, she's good at that sort of thing."
Love you sweetie and never stop thinking about you,Stu and Michael.
Know that we are always here for you and that our love is never ending for you, Michael and Stu. You can always count on us to be there. We may not always do or say the right thing. But we are always trying and we always have your best interest in our hearts and minds.
Know that you are loved.
Love,
Mom and Dad (aka Nana and Pa)

Kim said...

My most recent memory of Michael is at Addison's 8th (?) birthday- the Fear Factor Birthday. I have the most hillarious photos of all of the boys lined up on the driveway, being forced to eat the "poop", aka mushed up tootsie rolls out of diapers. The look on Michael's face is like, "Dudes, what the hell is wrong with you?...This is so gross!" I think he actually had to sit in the Gem car to recover at one point. I think the Kitty Litter cake threw all of them over the edge and he was feeling a little relieved that they had all come to their senses! It was a really fun party and I'm so glad he got to come be part of it. I promise to share the photos because they will make you laugh. Love you and saying little prayers for you everyday at odd little moments when something pops in my head that gives me perspective. Looking forward to lunch again. I am always available...to eat, talk, cry or just be. Always.

Jenny Gruenewald said...

On the way home from our visit to get shots late this afternoon, Xander asked how you were: Mom do you think she is any better today? I said, "Probably not. It may be quite awhile b/c he was such a huge part of her life." He then said, "I still miss him too." I smiled and said we all do.

Christi Smith said...

Jen- My heart aches for you dear friend. I have wept with you as I have been reading your blog for the past week or so. Michael was an amazing boy! You are amazing too! I was studying my Bible last night and came across a verse I have never read before. It has been on my mind all day and now I know why. I believe it is for you.
Psalm 77: 13,18 "O God, your ways are holy. Is there any god as mighty as you?... Your road led through the sea, your pathway through the mighty waters- a pathway no one knew was there! You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep"
Jen, sometimes we have to go through what seems like the mighty waters on the path God has for us. But we never go alone and it is a path that he will lead you down and hold you up with His righteous right hand.
I love you girl!! And I am praying for you every day!

Much Love- Christi Smith

Anonymous said...

I hope you know how much my family and I love you. Ya'll are our family in the real sense of the word. I think about you, Stu,a nd Michael everyday. My heart breaks everyday as I read your thoughts. I will always remember Micheal playing in the pool with Tennennesse and Haley. He never wanted to get out did he? I wonder how many times we gave them just 5 more minutes? I will always admire your strength. Much Love, Stephanie Brothers Perry

Kimberly said...

We went to Pier One this weekend. I thought of you and Michael (though it is hard to find moments when i am not thinking of you, my friend!). We really just set up camp in there like it was our own living room and hung out. Michael was a great judge of which couch was comfy and which one was not so comfy. And though he started out a little quiet with me, by the end we were fast friends and I could barely keep up with what he was telling me! That was a good afternoon! Sending love your way as hard aand as much as I can! Kim Smith (Sterritt)

Anonymous said...

Hey Jenn,
Marsha and I think of you and Stu and Michael every day. We talk about you, read both blogs and wish we could be there to do more for you and Stu. Don't worry about being weepy or missing Michael so much. Recovering from this tragedy will be the most difficult thing you will ever do. However, I know that someday, you will smile again and I will continue to be so proud of you and Stu and Michael.Keep walking. Keep writing, don't avoid talking about it. Love you!
Marsha and Uncle Tom (08-09-52 & 49)

Chad W said...

i know it's been too long since we spoke. my thoughts and prayers are with you and Stu. you are an inspiration through uninspiring times.

Angelyn said...

You and Stu are in my thoughts and prayers, dear Jenn. I wish there was something I could say or do to make this pain go away, but all I have to offer is myself. I know we haven't seen each other for years, but I'm so thankful that we have stayed in touch since NLP and if you ever need to talk/cry/laugh/you name it- I'm here. Please don't hesitate. I love you! -Ange

Martha said...

You have taken up residence in my daily thoughts - you're always there. I see things that happen with Paul and Genie and smile, then feel sadness because you don't have the opportunity to have anymore with Michael. I feel bad that I can still have while you cannot. I pray for you and Stu daily. And I will make sure you know that you will always be in my thoughts and prayers and Michael will NEVER be forgotten!