Monday, August 09, 2010

middle school pondering

Today, I thought of you.
That sounds silly. I think of you everyday.

But today. Today I imagined you as a budding middle school student.
And your first day of school outfit.
Would you let me pick it out? Or would you put your Michael-style spin to it?
(I am certain I know the answer to that one).
I thought of what school supplies you would need. As a middle schooler.

Would you have a locker? I don't even know.
I just know that you would have to change for PE.
Would that scare you as much as it did me in 6th grade?
Probably not.
Would you bring your lunch? Do you eat snack in middle school?
I don't know.

You would ride the bus for the first time. Maybe. If I let you.
You would want to stay home by yourself. Another If I let you moment.
I would struggle with the growing up of my baby boy.

How tall would you be? How big would your feet be?
I would lament how time flies and when did my baby grow up.

I would be so nervous for you. Because middle school was a rough time for my younger self.
Kids can be mean. Especially when you have a tender heart.

Would homework be tough for you? Would changing classes be fun?
I don't know.

Would you hold my hand? Kiss me goodbye?
Would you still call me Mommy?
I don't know.

A week of school has gone by. We would celebrate on Friday.
With movie night and pizza.
Just like we always did. Except now we don't.

Because you aren't here. And I miss you.