Monday, August 09, 2010

middle school pondering

Today, I thought of you.
That sounds silly. I think of you everyday.

But today. Today I imagined you as a budding middle school student.
And your first day of school outfit.
Would you let me pick it out? Or would you put your Michael-style spin to it?
(I am certain I know the answer to that one).
I thought of what school supplies you would need. As a middle schooler.

Would you have a locker? I don't even know.
I just know that you would have to change for PE.
Would that scare you as much as it did me in 6th grade?
Probably not.
Would you bring your lunch? Do you eat snack in middle school?
I don't know.

You would ride the bus for the first time. Maybe. If I let you.
You would want to stay home by yourself. Another If I let you moment.
I would struggle with the growing up of my baby boy.

How tall would you be? How big would your feet be?
I would lament how time flies and when did my baby grow up.

I would be so nervous for you. Because middle school was a rough time for my younger self.
Kids can be mean. Especially when you have a tender heart.

Would homework be tough for you? Would changing classes be fun?
I don't know.

Would you hold my hand? Kiss me goodbye?
Would you still call me Mommy?
I don't know.

A week of school has gone by. We would celebrate on Friday.
With movie night and pizza.
Just like we always did. Except now we don't.

Because you aren't here. And I miss you.


7 comments:

Mrs. Justice said...

I am glad you are back friend.
Miss you.

Anonymous said...

I have missed you as well, and glad you are back. I have checked your blog at least three times a week to see if you were still there.

I still hurt for you ....

Kim said...

The blogosphere missed you a lot, but not event half as much as I miss you. Love!

Karen said...

I am also glad you are back. I am reminded of Michael every day when I walk by his garden on the way to my classroom. Lots of other times too but always then. There is a rose bush there right now covered in pink roses in various stages of bloom. I wonder if he would think them too girlie. He is missed by so many.

Stacie said...

So glad you posted again. You write so well. I feel like I know so much of Michael's personality just by the way you've described him. What a special boy!

Praying for you.

Much love,
Stacie Smith

Elizabeth Dark Wiley said...

Jenn,
I've been thinking a lot about Michael this past month. Not sure why, except that so many of your reflections have involved him and school, and I was absorbing your moments with him and school before Olivia had her own. So now as we blaze this new territory with her, the images you've given me are helping me make sense of it all. And so I'll often find myself walking home from having dropped her off, thinking about what a special boy Michael was and what a phenomenal mom he has.
Love you,
liz

Martha Robbins said...

So glad to see you writing again. I still think of Michael often. I knew you did too, but it makes me feel better to read about it. You are a true blessing to many! Love you!!
Martha