Today was one of those days.
I want to be planning Spring Break. I want to be stressing about FCAT testing. I want to be looking forward to the summer. And making dinner for my TWO boys. And waiting for my one little boy to come home from school. To talk about his day. To do homework together. And tell him twelve times to pick up his room.
I want to go to dinner and enjoy it. Instead of struggling with our little two seater booth. Of being "just two for dinner tonight".
I miss our family. I miss the crazy normalcy of it all.
I miss my old life. I want to freeze those crazy moments of getting ready in the morning. Of the reminders to walk straight home from school. I miss packing lunch. I miss signing my name as Michael's mom.
Most of all. I miss the normalcy of grabbing a hand as we cross the road. Of one last snuggle and kiss goodnight. Of the I love you's.
Of looking for Michael in a crowd and my heart leaping for joy.
That he was MY child. MY son.
What a blessing! What an imagination!
What a wonderfully weird kid!
(That is a compliment in our house)
Once again, this grief reaches up. Punching me in the throat.
Grief is a jerk.