Saturday, November 07, 2009

gratitude

During this season of Thanksgiving, I find it difficult to cultivate a heart of gratitude. This is not surprising as I continue to struggle with my feelings of bitterness. I don't want to be bitter. I don't. I just find it easy to wallow in my sadness. To wallow in my feelings of unfairness. And unjustness. And anger.

I'd like to work my way up through the depths of this despair.

So. With that in mind, I will write out one thing that I am grateful for each day. No matter how small. (And some days it may be very small.) One thing that I am thankful for. I won't usually devote an entire post to it - I'll just make a note at the end.

I'll start with the most obvious. I am thankful for the joy of my 9 3/4 years with Michael. I am thankful to know the joy that he brought me. The joy of being a mother. His mother. The joy of his hand in mine. The joy of his delightful wit and humor. The joy of his funky dance moves. The joy of his curiosity. The joy of his sound effects. The joy of his love of plastic army men. And Star Wars. The joy of doing homework. And signing his Friday folders.

The joy of our time together. Short as it was.
I am thankful for Michael.

4 comments:

Kim said...

You remind us all to be grateful for the little things, like Friday Folders. Who would guess that those would be so important, but it's all those things that we take for granted each and every day. I know that you were superior at making each day count and Michael was the boy he was because of you. He was grateful for you too and it shows. Thankful to have started our friendship back in Pre-K and grateful to have known such a fabulous kid.

southernjoy said...

Just finished saying a prayer for you.

((((hugs))))

BKicklighter said...

I have been praying this very thing for you. I'll pray that things to be thankful for will overwhelm you, dear friend.

Mom said...

And I am thankful I am the one that he called Nana and you are the one that calls me Mom.