Sunday, August 30, 2009


I haven't written in the blog for a while. I took a little hiatus. With the emotion that comes with the start of school and my work at the university starting to ramp up, I just didn't have the stamina to write anything. I was tired.

I do have news. I have given my notice at work. My last day will be the Tuesday after Labor Day. I just need time to mourn. To grieve. To miss Michael. It is difficult to do while working full time, for me. Grief is different for everyone. For me, I am unable to focus. I am unable to stop feeling guilty about that fact. I am not able to meet my own standards with work. And so it was time to give my notice. It was time for me to take time for me.

I wonder what this time will bring for me. I wonder what I will do with it. I have ideas. I have thoughts. My grief counselor cautions me not to put too much pressure on myself to be productive. Do what I want. When I want to. I'll need to remind myself of this. Often.

I'm nervous about this time. This season.
Thanks for continuing to check in with us.


Anonymous said...

So glad you are back!! And I commend your decision on taking your leave for 'you' time. It is much understood. Now you can take the time to reflect on things past and hopefully gain some hope and insight on things still left in store for you. You have a world of opportunites just waiting for you to pick them up, grasp them, hold them, and see them into fruition and celebration. And there should not be any guilt surrounding that. Michael is not lost in any feelings of new-found hope or new plans. Instead, he is just a sweet, pure light guiding you toward them. I know that is what he would want. I think of you all constantly.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenn,

I'm also glad you're back. I check your blog every day but I know how hard it muct be.

I think some 'you' time is exactly what you need and the person above me said it all perfectly. You need time to grieve for Michael so take that time without having to think & worry about other things like work ... they don't matter, YOU DO.

Thinking of you every day,
Love from Scotland,
Catherine x

Mom said...

Love you my sweet girl. And your daddy and I support you in whatever you choose to do. Michael, you and Stu are always in our thoughts. I know it's hard to see now but good things will come to you. Michael will always be there with you. In every thing that you do.

Jennifer Scarry said...

It was good to see your post today:) I can't even begin to imagine how hard things are for you. I think of you, and pray for you often. I think taking time to grieve is the best thing you can do. I was not fortunate enough to meet Michael, but I feel like I know him a little bit now because of your blog, and how much you have been willing to share. He was amazing from all that I can gather.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jennifer - Just want you to know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that the Lord will give you a peace that passes all understanding during this time.
Rachael Stewart Johnson

Tammy On the Go said...

praying the same as Rachael above....know this is not said without feeling like it's the hardest thing in the world for you to find right now. only because I can't even begin to imagine your pain, but ask God to help me understand and have a heart for you right now.

Kim said...

My dear friend, As mothers, it is so difficult for us to be selfish. We are so used to taking care of everyone else that we often get lost in the mix. And so I know how hard it was for you to make this big decision and allow yourself to be selfish. for you. because you matter. I am proud of you, cheering for you, praying for you and always here for you. Love, k

Anonymous said...

I know this had to a difficult decision. With everything that has changed, work has stayed the same, probably some source of comfort but also a burden. You have such a great work ethic. Most people don't feel guilty about being less than present at work, but here you are in your grief worrying about your school. That just speaks volumes of who you are.
I'm glad you are in a place where you can look at yourself and do what's best for you. My heart is with you as I'm sure this is a scary time.
love you,

Ange said...

I love you, my dear Korean Sister. I'm so glad that you're taking 'you' time and knowing you, I'm sure it was an extremely difficult decision. I'm proud of you for doing it. Here for you always! xo

Jenny Gruenewald said...

So glad that you are taking care of you. Taking time to get to know who you are and where you are going is what matters. However difficult it may be, I hope you enjoy doing it. It was great to see you last week at Tennis. Did not know you had such a wicked serve when I told you not to laugh at mine! I ask myself often, how do you eat an elephant? the answer is: one bite at a time. Think of you often and pray for daily. Jenny Gruenewald