Thursday, August 20, 2009

would haves..

Today, we would have found out Michael's fifth grade teacher. Friday, we would have found Michael's fifth grade classroom. Saturday, we would have laid out Michael's fifth grade first day of school outfit. Sunday, we would have packed a lunch. Where I put in my first day of school mommy note. Monday, Michael would have been a fifth grader.

I know that today would have been filled with excitement. Michael would have been so excited to see who was in his class. Who his teacher was.

I would have lamented that I couldn't believe that I had a fifth grader. Aren't I too young for that, I would have said. Or time goes by so fast when you have kids. Or look at how big my sweet boy is now. Or any of those other things that moms will say on the first day of school.

But I won't get to say them. I'll remember first days gone by. And carry my sorrow of these first days ahead.

I am just so sad.

8 comments:

Karen said...

We miss your sweet boy. Thinking of you.

Mom said...

And I would have gotten to hear all about it too.
Love you,
Mom

Gretchen said...

love you!

HugandRelease said...

I don't know if anyone has ever asked you this and I would have e-mailed you but you don't have it listed. To you believe in God? I hurt for you so often. Your pain, pains me. How can you not know someone and want to hold them in your arms so often. i can't say that I have ever read your blog and not shed a tear. I find myself praying for you almost every time I look into my two son's eyes. Just some peace, just some happiness, just some contentment knowing that he is cradled in our Lords arms with such love knowing that he will again eventually see you one day but until then he is truly happy and cared for. Just some peace just for a moment!

Kim said...

hurting with you, my friend....love you!

Tammy On the Go said...

as my friend said above...peace for you is what we are praying..

please don't think we think that will come easy....

Tammy On the Go said...

my dear friend Kelly has an amazing blog...I hope you can visit it.

http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/2009/08/walking-with-you-some-questions.html

Anonymous said...

At Tony's school they go to mass every Friday. This week was about honoring Mary. The priest was telling the children that no matter what, no one can love like a mother can. I couldn't help but think of you as he was talking about her sacrifice, giving her son to God. As he spoke of Mary's trials and tribulations, I thought of you. I prayed for you. I cried for you. Miss you and love you dearly!
Nicole