Wednesday, December 30, 2009

2009: i bid you adieu

2009 is coming to a close and with it a decade.

At the end of December in 1999, I was in Cincinnati, Ohio. With my almost 6 month old. He had undergone two heart surgeries, two catheritizations. Many doctor visits. He came through all like a champ. With Mighty Mike embroidered on a blanket.
The promise of not only a new year but also a new decade. A very new chapter in my life as a new mom. To this most fantastic little one.

I was ready for the adventures that awaited us. In this new decade.

At the end of this December in 2009, I am in Tallahassee, Florida. With my son's memory. He had undergone three heart surgeries, seven catheritizations. Many doctor visits. He came through those like a champ.

And yet. On the morning of April 9th. He died. Inexplicably. Without warning.

2009, and this decade, are coming to a close. And I should be ready to leave them behind.
I'm not.
I have this need to hold onto this year.
This last year that I spent with my son laughing. And talking. And playing. And dreaming.

The last year of Michael's life. Not a full year. Just three months. Nine days.

And so as we usher in 2010, it is not with joy. Or the promise of a better year.
It is just the first, of many, years. That Michael will not be with us.

I want to hold onto 2009, as horrific as it has been.
Because at least for part of it.
Michael was running. And laughing.
And living.


southernjoy said...

I am praying.

Mom said...

There are no words of wisdom I can offer here. As I was putting away our Christmas decorations yesterday, I had the same feelings. The last year that had Michael in it. Even if only for a short while. I share your thoughts my sweet one.

You are beautiful and loving and kind. You are Michael's amazing Mother. You gave Michael the best life he could have. You were always with him. You are the reason he made it as far as he did.

I love you so dearly and my thoughts are always with you, Stu and our amazing Mighty Michael.

I love you,

Tammy On the Go said...

I hope this does not sound horrible, but can I need to be a writer? You have a gift. Maybe it was Micheal, butyou have a gift.

Cindy said...

Love you, Jenn. You were on my mind today. So much can happen in ten years. I wonder about the changes that life will bring when we look up and find it's NY Eve 2019?
Thinking of you and Stu and your sweet boy today. xo