Friday, April 02, 2010

this day.

Yesterday. I was filled with dread. I couldn't shake it.
I wasn't certain why.

And then it hit me. Good Friday. And what I was doing that day. Last year.

I was picking out Michael's spot in the cemetery. I was picking out a coffin. For my 9 year old. I was putting together plans for a memorial. And trying to pick out flowers that were not girly. And I was pinching myself. Hard. So that I would wake up from this miserable. devastating. nightmare.

To think about that. Made me physically ill.
And I threw up.

6 comments:

Marcie said...

I have no doubt that this coming week will be one of the longest of your life. There is something about hitting the official "1 year mark" that is so hateful and dreadful. Imagining a year without Michael, I know, seems impossible. But you're almost there, my friend. Almost there.
In my thoughts every day... every moment... and we'll reach the 9th of April together.

BKicklighter said...

dear heavens.
That took me off guard and made me cry. I could barely read that. Oh, Dooley. Praying for you still.

Tammy On the Go said...

no words.

just love.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could reach through this computer and just hug you. I wish I could physically take your pain. But I can't, so I pray. Hopefully this "celebration of Michael's life" on Saturday will give some relief. If only for a moment.

Kara said...

There is nothing I can say to make things better, so just know you're loved and always in my heart!

southernjoy said...

lots of prayers...