a year ago. today.

A year ago. Last night. I was sitting on my bed. Playing UNO with my son.
The phone rang. It was a girl asking to speak to Michael.
I laughed as he hardly got a word in.
I thought about how this was the first. Of many more.

A year ago. This morning. I was running a little late for work.
So I was able to give goodbye smooches to Michael.
I reminded him to wear his Young Actors shirt.
I kissed him goodbye.
I told him I loved him.

For the last time.

A year ago. At 10:15 (or so). I received a phone call.
Michael had passed out. Don't panic, she said.
I ran to my car. I made phone calls.
We waited in the ER hallway. Answering questions. Waiting to see Michael.
To reassure him. To hold his hand.

A year ago. At 11:46 am.
Michael slipped away. To the heavens.
And the world crashed around me. I screamed.

A year ago. At 1:30 pm.
I walked out of the hospital.
Clutching my son's shoes. Because that's all I had of his.

A year agao. Today.
The world lost one of its best.

this day.

Yesterday. I was filled with dread. I couldn't shake it.
I wasn't certain why.

And then it hit me. Good Friday. And what I was doing that day. Last year.

I was picking out Michael's spot in the cemetery. I was picking out a coffin. For my 9 year old. I was putting together plans for a memorial. And trying to pick out flowers that were not girly. And I was pinching myself. Hard. So that I would wake up from this miserable. devastating. nightmare.

To think about that. Made me physically ill.
And I threw up.