Friday, December 31, 2010


See you later, 2010.
Don't let the door hit ya. Where the Good Lord split ya.

(just kidding. kinda.)

2010. Eh.
Don't get me wrong.
Some good things happened in 2010.
(Pardon these not so great photos ... I just use my iPhone.)

I went to Disney World with my great friend, Kim. It was a work trip for me. We stayed on the VIP floor. I was spoiled by this new development in my travel. This is us on the It's a Small World ride. Kim was quite gracious in my spontaneous crying jags. And? We helped a very small child find his parents in the rain.
I completed the Disney Princess Half Marathon with my dear friend, Carmen. We were at the very end of the walkers. The very end. But we had a good time along the way. She also encouraged me through my crying jags. See how I cried a lot in 2010?

We released a ton of balloons on Michael's angel day. I am always amazed by the amount of people that have been touched by Michael's short life. I really thought that only my family and a few friends would come to our Balloon release in the park. Michael's friends from school came out. Some of my former co-workers and all of my graduate students came out. My family drove many hours to spend the afternoon with us. I am blessed to know so many fabulous people.
Stu bought me tickets to spend a weekend in New York City with some sweet friends. I wanted to go. But was nervous because I don't like to be away from home. He made the decision so easy for me. We had a great time. I love New York and to be able to spend it with some of my favorite people was wonderfully refreshing for this homebody.

My tennis team went to regionals. My partner and I won 2 of our 3 matches. We didn't win the tournament, but it was a good time. Eating, swimming, playing tennis - Fun! And we were so cute in our pink outfits!

Every child received a teddy bear at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta in Michael's sweet name. My heart was bursting at the seams. Another instance of my miscalculations. I thought that we might receive enough for 50 bears. But people spread the news far and wide. A Zumba fundraiser was put together - by sweet people that just did it. Without our asking. Just did it - because they were touched by Michael's story. The playroom also received a ton of toys. Wow.

We lit Michael's candle in our yearly tradition of his Christmas program now. The only one that we will get to see. The cemetery was beautiful.
It snowed on Christmas Day. In Georgia. I like to think that Michael pulled some strings with the Big Man. We spent Christmas with my parents who were so generous, once again. They take care of my heart. My mom makes me food that I love. They fill me with love. They are good. To their very core. But I don't tell my dad that. For he would get a big head.

There were other things to happen: Mr. Bobby received his heart. Ellen is cancer-free. Babies were born. And conceived. Vacations. Holidays. Other things that were great that I can't think of right now. I had a very generous and loving husband by my side. the whole time. Even when I was angry and not such a nice person. I had friends. real loving friends. Who despite my attempts to push them away. Keep coming back. And loving me through my ugliness. I have a family. And they are wonderful and crazy and generous. With the biggest hearts of anyone you could meet.

I worked. On my own time. With a woman that I am truly thankful for. I also worked with fsu for a short time. A real blessing. And I worked. With my dear friend, Kim. She can't know how much that helped me through these past dark months. And it was fun to flex some of my creative muscles and brainstorm fun things with her.

And I want to tell you that that I enjoyed every moment. That I am smiling. And happy.
It would be a lie.
I am wrestling with this grief. And grief is winning. Big time.
I existed. coasted. though this past year.
The first without my precious son. Without his imprint. On the year.
I grinned. And I beared it.
I am facing big questions of futures. and the pasts. and the things in between.
About faith. and love.

So. Bring it, 2011. But please bring it gently.


Kim said...

By your side to walk you through 2011 too! Perhaps our New Years resolution could be to spend more time together? Love!!!

Mom said...

I love you

Tammy On the Go said...

Though grief does unfortunately inspire your words, I must say sweet mother of Micheal, that your talent leaves me speechless. You have a gift and often I read your post multiple times and sometimes even to my husband. I do not know you but I follow your blog so I will remember you, and Micheal. And it reminds me to pray for you too.
It also helps me with how to love my sweet friend Nadene who lost her son this year to cancer. I often have no words for her, but when I think of some of the things you have so beautifuly shared with us, it give me more insight and has helped me speak when I need to speak and be silent when I need to be silent.
Thank you for teaching me.

Kim said...

Love you too....

Kara Doss Bradley said...

You're always in my heart Jenn!!

Anonymous said...

I randomly came across your blog and the beauty of the love you have for your son is one of the most poignant things I have ever read.
Please know that there are strangers out here that are holding your hand and walking with you into 2011 and beyond with tender thoughts and we all wish we had majic wands.
My very best.

tom said...

nice said...

Dear, the team is legendary and fabulous! I like your pink outfit so much! It's so refreshing and cute!

report writing service said...

You're so lucky to be in Disney World for a work trip! I mean, talk about doing work and having fun simultaneously! Hope you had a wonderful year.