Sunday, September 19, 2010


"Mommy? Am I going to die?"

We were driving home from a long weekend in Atlanta.
Michael had been feeling what he described as bats in his chest.
I took him to his cardiologist to be checked out. He was prescribed a 30 day Holter monitor.
To monitor his heart rhythms.

He was less than pleased about it.
He was worried about the kids at school. What they would say.
And it was really the first time that his heart had affected his life.
Other than all those surgeries. And that year of fat free eating.
Which he didn't really remember.

But this time. Was different.
He kind of understood that not everyone goes to the cardiologist twice a year.
That not every kid was monitored so closely.
He was in 2nd grade.
And questioning his own mortality.

At the ripe old age of 7.

"Mommy? Am I going to die?"

And I lied to him.
I told him that he would live. For a very long time.
And that he would be able to date. When he was 35.
And he balked at that. And told me of his plans to go to college.
And get married. But not to worry. He would come visit me at the holidays.

He had big plans.
I lied to him. And told him to dream big.

I lied to him.
I thought it was the truth.