story people.

I am a fan of Brian Andreas Story People.  I subscribe to his daily e-mail.  Stu bought a print for me on my birthday (it is this one, in case you were curious).  Love his quirky sayings and use them quite a lot in my scrapbooking.  The quotes seem to sum up exactly what I am thinking, but in a much more smart and clever way.

Anyway.  I received the following quote in my inbox today:

carrying a recognizable picture of herself because she got dressed in the dark, so there's no telling how close she came to her usual self

Isn't that so applicable to me today?  I am in my darkest of days.  I do not resemble the Jenn Dooley of 6 weeks ago.  I am not the same person.  I don't remember her.  I am these scattered bits and pieces and wonder if I will ever be able to scoop them up to arrange them in a way that at least resembles what used to be.   I am totally dressing myself in the dark.  I am but a shadow of myself.

I am a lesson in opposites these days.  My outside face doesn't always reflect my inner face.  I am a facade.  I have learned to hold back my tears ... to sob more privately.  So while I laugh on the outside, I cry on the inside.   People tell me how strong I am.  I certainly don't feel that way.  I'm numb.  I don't know how to feel anything.  Other than sad.  And sometimes angry, with a little bitter on the side.

So we'll see how close I come to my usual self.  I wonder what she will look like.

I ache I miss my son so much.  I am so weepy these days.  I can't help it.  I just have this Michael sized void in my soul.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to tell us that we are in your thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to tell me your memories of Michael.  I can't promise that I won't cry.  I can't help it.  But I want to know your memories of him.  And crying is ok. Please continue to talk about him.  Please continue to call, write, e-mail, comment on this blog ... whatever.  I may not always answer the phone or respond to an e-mail, but I listen.  I read.   I want to hear from you.  

The thoughts and comments from others keep us going.  They buoy us in these dark days.   I cannot begin to put into words how much we appreciate our family, friends, and community members.

obstacles

Each day, each week is filled with obstacles to overcome.  Little landmines scattered throughout the days and weeks. To get through.  To wade through.  To hold my breath and hope to come out unscathed.

Nights are one of those hurdles.  Sleep is ever elusive.  I close my eyes and all I see are memories from that day.   Thoughts of Michael lying there with no sparkle in his eyes.  The looks of the faces of those trying to comfort us.  Replaying the call from the school.  All of those little details that make up that terrible, horrible day.  My mind won't stop.  I can't still my thoughts.  And so I stay up until I can't keep my eyes open for another minute.

Mornings.  I wake up with the promise of a new day and instantly remember.  And each time, the realization still shakes me to my core.  I have gone back to work.  And every time I walk in my office, I cry.  I sit in front of my computer screen and wonder what it is I am supposed to be doing.  And then I pack up for the day, only to repeat the same pattern the next day.

As I have mentioned before, the time of 2:42 pm is hard.  As is 11:46 am now.  Thursdays are another hurdle.  Friday nights are troubling.  Weekends no longer have the same joyousness.  Who wants to sit for two days in a quiet house?  Without plans for new adventures?  The start of a new week holds no hope.  Tuesday afternoons haunt me.   Wednesday nights were always big homework nights.  Now, I don't know what to do on those nights.

There is no day, no moment that is untouched with my profound sorrow.  I hurt.  Deeply.  It is a struggle to acclimate to this new world without my Michael.  I don't want to.  I have no desire to move on.  Or find a new normal.  I want what I had.  

Not to brace myself, steel myself for these everyday moments.  

laughter

The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same. (from StoryPeople)

loves music. loves to dance.

For Christmas, we had given Michael my old green iPod.  I filled it with his favorites songs of the moment.  He loved it.  And would wear his headphones around the house singing as loud as he could.  He only knew the very end of each phrase and would yell that word as loudly as he could.  But in tune.  That's my boy.

His most requested songs in the car were:  Citizen Soldier (Three Doors Down);  Battle Cry (Pillar); Stronger (Kanye West) and I Run For Life (Melissa Ethredge).  What can I say?  He had eclectic tastes.  He also liked Hey There Delilah (the Plain White Ts) and though he would never admit it, I think he very much enjoyed my Broadway soundtracks.  Or maybe I will just tell myself that he liked it since I subjected him to it ... over and over again.

He also was a dancer and would bop around the house.  So funny to see him.  His signature dance move was what I can only describe as a booty shake.  It was awesome.  I tried to get Michael involved in clogging with me.  Turns out he just went for the pretzels.  But would watch me clog.  While he ate.  Stinker.

We used to hold Friday night dance parties - where we would turn on the tunes and dance.  Even our dog, Nellie, joined in.  Though she is not very good at the hip hop.  Of course, neither were we, so it all balanced out.

When it was bedtime, I usually sang songs to him.  Even as he got older, he wanted me to sing to him.  I am not a great singer, but to Michael, I had the voice of Kristin Chenoweth.  I'm certain of it.  I sang him You are my Sunshine.  And I adapted the words from I love you Conrad (from Bye Bye Birdie) to I love you Michael.  I also sang Twinkle Star.  And Fifty Nifty United States - mostly just the alphabetized listing of states.   I would sing it as fast as I could.  And he always asked for me to do it again.

I wonder what he would have done with his love of music.  Would he have picked up a guitar at some point?  He enjoyed making up his own songs and singing them in the shower.  Would he have written music?  Would he have joined chorus in high school?  Would he have sang the songs that he so loved to his kids as he tucked them in?

What could have been?  A hard thought.

certificate

Michael's death certificates were ready today.  I picked them up from the funeral home on my lunch hour.  Doesn't that sound too casual?  I have 5 copies.  I only have 2 copies of Michael's birth certificate.  Those numbers seem incongruous somehow.

I didn't know his time of death.  It was 11:46 am.  His occupation was listed as Student-Elementary.  His marital status was checked as Never Married.  

The cause was listed as:  complications due to right heart hypoplastic syndrome.  Interesting that they didn't give his heart defect the proper name. 

I have the last certificate that Michael will receive.  It is not a marriage certificate.  Or a diploma.  Or a certificate of participation in the astronaut camp he might've participated in this summer. 

It is a death certificate.  A signed, certified copy of the end of my son's life.  In black and white. On watermarked paper.

sweetness

Michael always said "mommy, can I ask/tell you something?"  And if he forgot what he was going to say he would say "I love you mommy".  Or "did you know that you are the best mommy in the whole world?" or "I wouldn't ever want another mommy".  He told me once that sometimes he forgot what he was going to say.  And so he said those things.  Because those were always true.

thank you

It was a privilege to be your mommy, Michael.  Thank you for teaching me about love.  And life.  And how to make the most of everyday.

Love you.

To the moon and back.

x 1600.

one month ago

I have always loved the number 9.  It is the day of my birth.  It is my user number for the scale in our bathroom.  It was the end of my number in Powder Puff football in high school.  It is the number I always pick when asked to pick a number between 1 and 10.

Now, I'm not certain it is such a great number.  It is the age of my son when he left this earth.  It is the day of the month of April that I said goodbye.  

It has been one month.  The longest month of my life.  

Of course, I have learned some things along the way.  I thought it might be good to share some of them in this forum, along with some of the things I am missing:

• The cemetery is a popular place to be on a Friday night.  
• The sound of legos being sucked into the vacuum cleaner is music to my ears.
• Stepping over a storm trooper or two while showering is more fun than a clean shower floor.
• Grief is a very personal endeavor.  Everyone grieves very differently.  And that is OK.
• I look at my watch everyday at 2:42 pm.  And everyday, regardless of the day of the week, I think that I should see Michael walking down the driveway.  Home from school. Everyday, regardless of the day of the week, I am disappointed.
• The first time I do anything without Michael is always the hardest.  And doesn't really get easier.  I still cannot go to the grocery store.  I have pulled into the parking lot 3 times now and have always had to leave before getting out of the car.
• Nights are hard for me.  I miss Michael sneaking out of bed.  I miss him grumbling about taking his aspirin and vitamin.  I miss him trying to get out of taking a shower or brushing his teeth.  I miss crawling into the bottom bunk and snuggling for a few minutes.  
• The resilience of children astounds me.
• The highlight of my day was always seeing Michael.  And now, the highlight of my day is seeing Michael.  Only now, I visit him at a cemetery.  Where he still has Star Wars figures and now a Spiderman surrounding him.
• Michael was right when he said "She is Amazing" when asked about his fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Branch.  I will be forever grateful to her.
• Late night television is not full of great choices.  I have not been to sleep before 3:00 am since that terrible, horrible day.
• I am in awe of how Michael touched other people's lives.
• The way Michael said Mommy was so special.  
• Candy is not as much of a treat as it was when we would purchase it together.

And this one deserves to stand out from the rest:

• I have THE MOST amazing and supportive family and friends.  Don't argue with me on this one.  I will win EVERY TIME.  Never have I ever felt such love from so many.  Never will I ever have the right words to say how thankful I am for each of you.  Never will I ever stop thanking you for your calls, e-mails, prayers, cards, thoughts, memories, etc.  

The Beginning, The End

When I was pregnant with Michael, I used to joke that any test I took - I failed.  My tests always came back positive and so I got to be very familiar with the my OB and her staff.  In fact, I went into the office every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the end of my pregnancy.  The nurses put up a sign in my honor - dedicating the chair to me.  For someone who is not a fan of doctor's offices (me!), I got to be quite comfortable there.  As long as my baby was healthy, I would go as many times as needed.

And then when the ultrasound technician spent an inordinate amount of time looking what looked like a dancing chicken.  When she went to get the specialist, I knew something was up.  I know now that when medical professionals don't look you in the eye, something is wrong.  I understand that - it is hard to give bad news to people.  I get it.  In a way, it gave me a moment to steel myself for whatever was coming my way.

After several more ultrasounds, it was determined that my son had a congenital heart defect.  A defect that ultimately was diagnosed as Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome.  Michael would undergo at least 3 open heart surgeries.  

Michael was born at 6:52 pm on July 1.  And was promptly whisked away to stabilize him.  I got to see him for a few moments before he was transported to the Children's Hospital in the CICU unit (the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit).  I got to touch his skin, smooch him and he was on his way.

The next day, I begged to be discharged so that I could be with Michael.  I needed to see him.  To be with him.  And so I was allowed to leave.  And I stayed with Michael in the CICU until I was kicked out by the nurses to go to the sleep room and then I would be right back there the next morning.  I never left.  I rubbed his back.  I sang to him.  I read him books.  And when I first got to hold him - amazing.  My greatest joy.  My sweet son.  He had surgery at the ripe old age of 4 days.  He was discharged 5 days later.  A miracle baby.

It followed the same path with his subsequent surgeries - at 5 1/2 months and just before his 3rd birthday.  I never left his side.  I couldn't be far away from him.  He needed me.  I needed him.  When I couldn't hold him, I would lay my head down just beside his bed.  Me standing up, bent over with my head beside his.  His surgeries and the meds sometimes left him agitated and it seemed to sooth him when I was so close to him.  It wasn't the most comfortable of positions, but I didn't care.   Whatever worked - I would do it.

With every new school year, I found myself repeating Michael's history.  I had my speech memorized.  It was second nature.  I knew Michael's anatomy and history like the back of my hand. 

Michael went to the cardiology office frequently - from every two weeks to every two months.  He graduated to every six months in recent years.  I used to joke that going to the cardiology office was like our Cheers.  Everybody knew our names.  They would set up the Lego Star Wars game for Michael in the waiting room when they saw his name on their roster.  They had watched him grow from a cranky-in-the-office 1 year old to the tough, easy patient 9 year old.  I didn't have to bribe him with a trip to Target after the appointment any longer.  We still went there, of course.  His last appointment was the fastest.  He was doing really well.  His cardiologist was pleased.  We left with an appointment for a Tuesday in June. 

And then that terrible, horrible Thursday, I found myself in somewhat familiar territory.  With medical professionals who couldn't look me in the eye.  With my repeating his history to anyone who would listen. And then, with me half bent, with my head next to his and rubbing his head.  Only this time, there was no need to soothe.  There were only tears.  My tears.  The beginning became the end.

Funny

I love this picture.  It was taken the day before Michael's 8th birthday.  We had surprised him with a trip to Epcot for his big day.  We gave him clues along the way.  He had no idea what was in store for him.  This photo was taken at the hotel on the day we arrived.  He was so excited and bouncing around the room, jumping on the bed.  The photo captures the joy of the weekend that we had.  Birthdays are a big deal in our house ... and his was the biggest.  

This photo also shows Michael in motion.  He was in constant motion, even while sitting.  And the big grin on his face.  You can also see a bit of his mischievousness.  

*jumping on the bed in hotels was always treat when we were on vacation.

star wars weekend

May would have been a big month in the Dooley-Williams-Hall household.  We would have been counting down the days until Star Wars Weekend.  The last weekend of May.  At Disney World.  Michael would have missed the last day of school because we would already be at the park.  Grabbing autographs of the Star Wars characters, taking pictures with them, making sweet memories.

We would have stayed at the same resort as last year.  Only this year, we would have spent a whole day at the pool.  With the lazy river.  

We would have spent two days at the parks.  One at Hollywood Studios (the site of the exciting Star Wars Weekend) and the other day at ... well ... we hadn't quite reached a consensus.  I wanted to go to Epcot again.  Stu wanted to go to Animal Kingdom.  And Michael didn't much care.  He just wanted to see the Star Wars parade again.

This video cracks me up.  It is of Michael getting the autograph of Darth Maul last year.  He was a little freaked out by the guy.  He was very creepy.  Michael just wanted the autograph and then to get out of there!

verbs

He was still my baby boy.  But was becoming quite the young man.  He still called me Mommy. He still liked to snuggle and would hold my hand in public.  He told me how much he loved me. Multiple times throughout the day.  He still believed in  Santa Claus.   And the good in people. His last report card was the best he has ever had.  Reading was becoming a love of his.

I hate that I type my verbs in the past tense.

overdue.

I have library books that are due back.  They were due on Tuesday, but we were going to drop them off on Thursday.  Two days late.  But that was three weeks ago.  And I still have them.

They are the last books that Michael checked out.  We picked some of them out carefully for specific reasons.  He went to my mom and dad's for his Spring Break.  They took him to the King Tut exhibit and the Terracotta Army exhibits.  He wanted to read up on the subject.  To know more than Pa.

Michael checked out:

• Tut Tut (part of the Time Warp Trio series) - Loved this series of books and read them quite fast.
• 1944:  America Storms the Beaches - a book about World War 2.  He started this book, but did not finish it.
• Discoveries -  Tutankhamun:  the life and death of a Pharoah - again to know more about King Tut. He did say that he didn't read it all "because he wanted to be surprised at the museum".
• Eyewitness books - Ancient China.  Again to read up in preparation for the Terracotta Army exhibit.
• Star Wars:  Last of the Jedi - Of course.  He loved the Star Wars
• Animorphs:  The Conspiracy - We renewed this book once.  He had not yet read it.
• The Spiderwick Chronicles:  A Giant Problem - He was a little scared to watch the movies, so he decided to read the books.  After reading, he decided he was ready to watch. We were going to watch it over the Easter weekend.  But never got the chance to.

All of these books are kept on our hall closet door knob.  In a pink Clinique bag (a gift with purchase).  Michael never wanted to carry the library bag because of its pinkness.

Our library days were Tuesday.  I let him sit in the front seat on the way home on these days.  The library is about 2 miles from our house, so not a far distance.  It was a special treat to sit up front.

And so, I have these books.  They need to go back.  But I find it so hard to let go of them. It is just another reminder that my buddy is not coming home.  That this is not an extended Spring Break.

Limbo.

Mondays are hard.  It is the fresh start of a new week.  A new beginning with 7 days of possibilities.  A new week without my Michael.  I wonder if the beginning of months will be the same way.  Like with May coming up.  I only had a total 8 months of May with Michael.  

I know that firsts are always difficult.  The first time we stayed overnight in the house was difficult.  As was my first time to Target.  The first time eating out.  The first holiday.

As we approach Mother's Day, I find myself turning away from the commercials that advertise this holiday.  I am a mother.  But of a child that will not give me a homemade card.  Or a smooch and a hug.  I am a mother of a child.  That is not with me any longer.  

And so I feel in limbo.  I carry around a shirt that was Michael's.  I sit in my bed and don't often come out of my room.  I know that I must carry on.  And I find that to be difficult.   I find it hard to talk.  I wonder if the next time I am around people if they will be waiting for me to cry.  I wonder when I will laugh without feeling guilt.

I take these days one day at a time.  I am a planner by nature.  But find it difficult to plan now. For now, I will follow the advice given in the movie Sleepless in Seattle:   I will just put one foot in front of the other and remember to breathe.  

musings.

I folded laundry today.

There was nothing of Michael's in the wash.  Not a sock.  No boxer briefs with clone troopers on them.  No t-shirts.  No pajamas.

It seems that life is moving forward.  And I am not.  I still expect Michael to come home.  That this is not permanent.  Mornings are difficult ... I wake up and my first thought is of Michael. Then I remember.  

Today I am missing Michael's belly laugh.  How he would throw his head back and laugh straight from the the top of his toes.  Or when we would watch a suspenseful movie (like Star Wars, of course!), he would jump up and down and cheer the good guys on.  

I miss our snuggle time.  I miss our afternoon snack time.  I miss the sound of his practicing his fluency paragraphs.  I miss checking his spelling pre-test.  I miss the sound of his playing with his army men.  He was the best sound effect maker.  I miss watching him sleep.  I miss the way he said Mommy.  I miss the action figures that he would stick in my purse just because he wanted them to go with me.

I love being Michael's mommy.  I learned much from him in his short life.  He taught me how to laugh.  And how to love.   He taught me about grace under pressure.  He showed me what strength truly is.   He showed me how to play.  How to be creative.  How to go with the flow.  So many things.

  

Our car broke down the day of Michael's visitation.

It is not yet fixed.

Our septic tank needed repair this morning.

Seriously.  I'm finding it difficult not to wallow in self pity.

I miss Michael.  So very much.

Beautiful Goodbye

I put this link on facebook as well.  But I thought I would also upload to the blog.  

Here is the link to the video on YouTube:

Michael's Slide Show - Beautiful Goodbye

I put this slide show together for Michael's memorial service.  I wanted it to show Michael ... in 3 to 4 minutes.  I had the idea that I would put the slide show to two songs - Smiling Face by James Taylor (a song I used to sing to Michael all the time) and You and Me by Rosie Thomas (a longtime favorite song).  I couldn't get the two songs to meld together in a cohesive way.  I was looking through my iTunes library and found Beautiful Goodbye by Josh Kelley.  A song that I must have downloaded a few months before - but didn't remember doing so.  I listened to the song and knew it was perfect.  The rest of the slides came together pretty quickly.

I watch this slide show at least 5 times throughout the day.

Stories.

I only remember bits and pieces of the visitation and memorial service from Monday and Tuesday.  I hugged quite a few people.  I heard many stories of how Michael touched lives.  I thought I might record them here.  so that I can remember.

• Tyler, a boy from Michael's school,  and his mom approached me.  She wanted Tyler to tell me what he had said about Michael.  He looked at me and said that Michael was the only kid that never picked on him and was always nice to him.  His mom told me that she told Tyler he didn't need to come that night.  That it would be very sad.  But he wanted to.  Because "that's what friends do".
• Michael loved dancing.  In PE class, for warm-ups, the kids got to perform a dance move that the rest of the class had to also do.  Caroline, with her big brown eyes, wanted to show me his dance move from school that Thursday morning.  She did it in the middle of the room.  And it was Michael's typical booty shaking move.  I hugged her and laughed with her and thanked her for showing me that.
• Getting to hug Michael's best friends Mallory and Greg and their parents.  Those two were with him when he passed out at school and were the ones to alert the teacher.  I was worried about them.  
• Michael's very best friend from kindergarten and first grade, Tony, came over from Jacksonville.  Michael would have loved seeing him.  We still talked about him, especially at Christmas.  We have an ornament with the two of them sitting on Santa's lap.
• The PE teachers wanted me to know that they would be dedicating the upcoming fourth and fifth grade Field Day to Michael.  Because he loved to play and was such a good sport. (I'll add more about this in a separate post - we went to the Opening Ceremony on Friday morning, 4/17).
• Seeing Michael's favorite after school teacher, Mr. Alex.  Michael decided that he was the "Real" Mr. Alex, and did everything that Mr. Alex did.  We even made Michael his own business cards, just like Mr. Alex's.  This was when Michael was in kindergarten and first grade.  Mr. Alex shared some of his favorite memories of Michael.  How much he enjoyed him.  How whenever Michael might have gotten into trouble, Michael already had talked the teacher out of the trouble he might have gotten into.  That's Michael ... always the negotiator.

I have so many other stories to tell.  These were but a few from the visitation.  I love that people were sharing their memories of my sweet boy.  I want to hear them.  All of them.  I feel the need to collect as much information from others about him.  I want to talk about him.  And keep his memory alive.

An Ordinary Day

It was just an ordinary day.  A Thursday.  In April.

Michael had put on some jeans and was putting on a blue t-shirt when I came to say goodbye. I reminded him to put on his Young Actor's outfit and he started to change clothes.  I kissed him goodbye.  Told him I loved him.  Reminded him that he was walking home from school and that I would see him at 2:42.  And left for work.  A typical day. 

I got the call that Michael had passed out at school and that I should come.  I ran out of the office and to my car.  Halfway to the school, I was told to go to the Emergency Room.  I turned around and sped to the hospital.  I made phone calls along the way.  

Stu got there at the same time.

We waited.  We didn't know any additional details.  We had no idea.  It was just an ordinary day.

The ambulance arrived.  The driver got out of the ambulance.  A water bottle fell out of the drivers seat onto the floor.  He left it there.  I asked him if this was Michael in the back.  He didn't know his name.  I asked if it was a 9 year old boy.  He said yes.  Are you his parents?  Yes.  Come with me, he said.  I wanted to see Michael.  I held back.  They are still working on him.  Let them do their jobs, he said.  I followed.

It was just an ordinary day.

We were taken to the back hallway of the ER.  Asked to sit.  I couldn't.  Stu couldn't.  I had already pulled out the insurance cards, the card of Michael's cardiologist, the card identifying the device implanted into Michael's heart.  I was ready.  I wanted to find Michael.  I was certain he was scared.  I wanted to reassure him.  Stu told me to go find him.  I went.  I was greeted by the Victim Advocate of the Sheriff's office.  She escorted me back to the hallway.

The chaplain of the hospital was introduced to us.  I asked him why he was there.  In the movies, a chaplain's arrival was never a good thing.  

We answered questions from doctors, and the sheriff's office.  Stating the facts of Michael's medical history.  Looking for hope in the doctor's faces.  Trying to read between the lines of what was asked and what wasn't.  Not knowing any details.  Asking, pleading to be taken to Michael.  I needed to be by his side.  He needed his mommy.  I needed him.

A doctor came out of the room where Michael was.  He looked angry.  That didn't occur to me until just now.  and he told me the words that no mother should ever hear.  We did everything we could ... but your son didn't make it.

I fell to my knees.  I cried out loud.  I asked to be taken to see my baby.  

 

My whole world was taken away from me.

It was no ordinary day. 

Michael's thoughts on Marriage.

I cannot marry Catherine.  She is lactose intolerant and has a peanut allergy.  And I like pizza too much.

(I saved this as a draft on January 6.  A direct quote from my funny boy.)

Hello 2009!

It is a new year.  When did that happen?

The years seems to be going by so quickly.  I have a 9 year old.  I'm not old enough to have a 9 year old.  I'm certain of it.  Certain.

As I like to do, I have made a list of resolutions for the upcoming year.  I shall list them here  ... for all time and eternity.

1.  Start smoking.

2.  Gain 200 pounds.

Ha!  Just kidding.

1.  Lose weight.  (I have a specific number in mind but I am not wanting to share that with the internet just yet.    I would also like this to be the last year that I list this resolution.)

2.  Pay off my credit card.

3.  Host 3 parties or dinner parties.  (We never have people over.  I would like to end that trend.)

4.  Declutter/Organize all of our closets, and garage.  (We have a ton of crap.  A ton.)

5.  Paint/Redo the kitchen.

6.  Stick to our family budget.

7.  Institute an allowance plan for Michael and open a savings account for him.  (We are a bit late to this party ... but no time like the present, right?)

8.  Raise $3000.00 for the 3 Day Walk.  (Yep ... totally signed up again for the Atlanta walk)

9.  Train vigorously for the 3 Day Walk.

10.  Plan one large fundraiser for the 3 Day Walk. (All of my donations were from fantastic family and friends last year.  I would like to also supplement with a large fundraising event - I have some ideas ... just need to do the legwork now.)

11.  Buy new glasses.

12.  Be more spontaneous. (I hate surprises.  Hate.  With a capital H.  But I would like to be surprised.  And not hate it.)

13.  Record more moments of our life in blog and scrapbook.

14.  Go to New York City.  (This is always on my list.  I Love that city.  Love.  With a capital L).

That covers it.  I'm looking forward to 2009 being a great year.  

Dun...dun..dun..dun.

It is really hard to spell out the Star Wars theme music....

We are headed to Star Wars Weekend on Thursday. Nerd-fest, here we come! We are going for Michael's 9th birthday (how is it possible that I am a mom to a 9 year old?). There will be Storm Troopers on parade ... a Jedi Training academy ... Trivia contest ... rides ... Darth Vader ... and our family. My kid is going to wet himself with excitement! me too!

All I hear ... "I can't wait for Star Wars Weekend". The countdown has begun...

I just finished making an autograph book complete with tabs for Jedi, Sith, Clone Troopers and Other Disney. Michael is hoping to meet Boba Fett. And an Ewok. oh wait ... I 'm hoping to meet an Ewok. I love those little guys.

In 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk news ... Training is going OK. We have been out of town or busy for the past few weekends, so walking the long distances have been a bit more difficult. It throws me off to be away from home for the walks. I know ... all I need is my two feet to walk, but somehow it is different. Weird. I know I will get in some long walks at Disney. I need to get on track. The short distances (the 3 and 4 miles during the week) are getting easier, so that is good news. I just need to be more consistent. It is so freaking hot outside that I have just been walking on the treadmill. I might melt in the heat. We can't have that....

I am going to be fitted for shoes in August. That should be fun! I'll have to check into fancy socks (a little advice from the Tammster).

Until next time....

35 years...

My parents have been married for 35 years and one day. Their marriage is one that I look to as THE model. They are not perfect - but together they are close enough.

And they sure make cute kids. Well ... kid.

(I promise a longer update is coming ... things have been BUSY! Thanks for the gentle nudge to blog, Tammy!)

Sweet

Text message from Stu ... "I am impossibly proud to be your husband". So sweet.

(Picture taken from our cruise five years ago. It was one of the only photos I could find of the two of us. That I liked. See my lobster red "tan".)

Walking...walking ...more walking.

Lots of walking happening around here! It has been a great week.

I have a few more donors to thank! Many Thanks to Aunt Peggy, Tammy and Bruce (a co-worker of Stu's). So fantastic! Thank you so much for your support! I have now raised $1350.00. Only $850.00 left to my goal - and I am still 23 weeks away. Woot! Woot!

I failed to post this weeks schedule - so I will post this weeks and next weeks. I receive a suggested training schedule from the 3 Day Walk folks - so I decided to follow that one instead of using the one I had put together. It starts with less mileage and builds it up in increasing amounts through the weeks. Without further adieu...

Monday (5/12) - Rest
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - Rest
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 30 min. cross train
Saturday - 3 miles
Sunday - 3 miles

I followed the plan pretty well this week. I did not do the 30 minute cross train on Friday. I might add that in today and just add in a little strength training.

Next week's schedule:
Monday (5/19) - Rest
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday 15 minute cross train
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 30 minute cross train
Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 3 miles

And as an added bonus to all this walking, I have lost 8 pounds. And an inch in my waist. Waifish figure ... here I come! Maybe I should get a belly button ring. Just kidding.

Happy Mother's Day to the best Momma in the galaxy!
Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is. Thank you for listening to me without judgement.
Thank you for being you.
You are fantastic.
I love you.

Keyword: weird

If you google "Guiness Book of Records - longest toe", I am the number one website.
Makes perfect sense.

Grams.

Miss you. Everyday.

Halfway there...

I am halfway to my $2200.00 goal. All in FOUR days. I have some very generous family and friends! I have currently raised $1075.00. In FOUR days. Wow. Did I mention this was just in four days?

Thank you to my sweet Mom and Dad, the very generous Bobby and Ellen (they are responsible for half of the money I have raised so far!), Pat, Pam and Gwen! I will be thinking of all of you during my training walks. My peeps rock.

This week I completed 3 days of my training - 4 miles on Tuesday, 2 miles on Wednesday (supposed to be cross training but I decided to walk anyway) and 4 miles tonight. I have tomorrow off. Yeah!

Michael's 3rd grade class is hosting a Mother's Day Tea tomorrow. Michael, not a good one to keep secrets, keeps saying things like "there might or might not be a skit tomorrow. and my line may or may not be this...". And "we might be singing a song about moms ... but I'm not telling." He is terrible with secrets - but can't wait for me to be there. I'll probably cry. I'm kind of sappy that way. Any new thing Michael does - I cry.

Talking about crying...Stu passed his Six Sigma Black Belt test! Woot! Woot! Not a small accomplishment and this is a big thing for him! Yeah Stu! So proud of him! (this is not the crying part). He had kept it a secret that he had taken the test and he got the results today. He asked Michael and I to meet him for dinner at Atlanta Bread Company. So we went - he told us the news. We were so excited! As Stu is telling me the story of how he thought he wasn't going to pass...how he kept it a secret ... I notice Michael tearing out the coupon for the free cookie from the Atlanta Bread Company kids activity book. I thought he was just ready for his cookie as he was finished with his grilled cheese. Stu pauses in his story and Michael presented Stu with the free cookie coupon. As a reward for passing this big exam. And Michael cried a little because he was so proud of Stu. And I cried because I was so proud of Michael. And Stu cried because he got a cookie (just kidding about Stu crying!). Michael is such a sweet kid. Where did he get that from? Certainly not his mom!

Tomorrow is also a community meeting for Stu's work. Well ... it is a community meeting for him all day and then families are to come at 5:00 for a scavenger hunt and dinner. It will be my first time meeting Stu's new co-workers. A little nervous. Not certain what to wear. And I have a huge pimple on my cheek - what am I, a pre-teen again? Maybe I will bring my clogging shoes. Everyone loves a clogger. Right? Right.

Wowee - Wow!

Holy Cow friends!

I sent out my announcement about the 3 Day Walk yesterday. Today I have $425.00 in donations. i am 19% of the way towards my goal - all in a day. Amazing. Wow. I have to say - everytime I get a notification that someone has donated in my behalf - I cry. My first donation (Martha, my cousin) made me weep. I called my mom. It is so exciting and for such a fantastic cause.

Thank you Martha, Yeline, Aunt Merilee, Aunt Joani, Cynthia, Kim and Georgianna! Fabulous! Your words of encouragement and cheerleading have meant so much.

I finished my first official training walk tonight. Four miles. I was ready to quit at mile 3. But I kept going - because I have people keeping track of my progress. Accountability. I appreciate that. Sometimes I need a kick in the pants. Thanks, internet, for kicking me tonight! I needed it.

Michael and I went to the library today. We checked out the Star Wars Cookbook, Part 2. Who knew there was a Part 1? We are going to have a family movie night complete with Darth Maul double light saber hot dog thing on Friday. I'll take pictures. I'm sweet that way.

Training Schedule

I have decided to take a big step (well really, lots of steps!) and have signed up for the 3Day Walk for Breast Cancer in Atlanta in October. That is 60 miles in 3 days. I will also be fundraising during the time and have committed to raising $2200 to go to Breast Cancer research.

(This is where I should insert my donation page - where you can donate online. Or print out the donation form to send in. Here it is: Jenn's Donation Page)

I will be blogging about my walking adventures here as well as updating my training schedule weekly. That way you can all come along on my journey with me ... and keep me accountable for the training. I have 6 months.

Here is this weeks schedule:
Monday - Off (love that - this is going to be easy!)
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - Cross Train (I will probably do some sort of weight training on this day)
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - Off
Saturday - 6 miles
Sunday - 6 miles

Not all of my upcoming blogs will be about my walking schedule. I'll still regale you with tales of my life. I know you are interested, dear reader. I don't want to disappoint.

Under Pressure ...

I have come to this blog and started a new post 127 different times. Such pressure to be witty and readable. I'm going to stop pressuring myself and just write. I don't have any readers anyway as my posts are less than consistant, right? Nothing ventured ... nothing gained.

End of the college semester right now. I am always mixed about my feelings ... on one hand I am so glad for the down time that comes with summer. On the other, I have some wonderful students that I am truly going to miss. These students are amazing. It is fun to be a part of their experiences - however small my part is. I enjoy them.

Today was Bring Your Child to Work Day. Michael was an excellent assistant - shredded documents, took messages to co-workers, and we even had lunch with my great friend/co-worker and my big boss. Not my direct boss, but the boss' boss. The Director of the School. Fancy company. Michael wowed them with his tales of Star Wars and even told them how cool ... or uncool they were. Honesty is a virtue, right? Right.

I am going to try to keep up with this blog once a week. Especially now that summer is here - it should be no problem. We are also going on some fun trips, so we will have many adventures to share.

if I can make it there ...

I'm headed to the Big Apple tomorrow. I am packed and ready to go. The family is taking me to the airport tomorrow - we are leaving at 4:45 am. Early. I probably won't sleep tonight. I have packed my camera to take tons of pictures. I have also packed my new iPod Nano complete with two downloaded movies to watch during my layovers - Waitress and Purple Violets.

Have I mentioned that I am excited?

I hope that I remember to use my camera - then you can see my pictures. I have planned my own personal tour for tomorrow and then I am in seminars all day Wednesday and Thursday and will head to shows on those nights. I fly out on Friday.

So excited!

Happy January 2!

I am not yet ready to publish my deadlines. I feel the need to weed some out and explain others. I have written a list of 35. I have a lot to work on apparently. Not all of them are hard core - some are "Go to the Georgia Aquarium" or "Run a 5K". Still others include only eating out once a week, trying a new recipe once a week, or reading Harry Potter with Michael. And of course - blog more. I'll publich the list when I am ready. Not today.

Michael and I are headed out to run some errands and then to see a movie. This is really our first foray into the world - we have stayed home and played with his Christmas gifts most of last week (with a brief trip for provisions from the grocery store). We have really enjoyed our time together.

Time to head out the door. Happy New Year!

It's December. Where did the time go?

It's December 31 at 8:28 pm. Almost January. 2008.
I think that I slept through fall.

It is New Year's Eve and we are settled in for the night. Our family tradition is to just be together. We order in (from Harry's this year), get into our jammies and veg until the ball drops. Stu falls asleep on the couch. Michael and I shout Hooray very quietly. It's not a big fancy time ... but I love it just the same.

As per the norm, resolutions are to be made. I'm not so great with the resolutions - I make a list, lose the list, end up finding the list months later, and promptly throw that list away. Not such a useful system. I should post my resolutions here. Let's lose the resolutions word and call it a Deadlines list. I'm good with the Deadlines. Anyway, perhaps putting my deadlines in public (well sorta public ... I'm not certain anyone is still with me!) .. putting my deadlines in sorta-public will have a better effect than a lost list. Like you are all watching me and giving me the evil eye when don't meet the deadlines.

I'll post the list tomorrow. It is a long list. I'll need lots of evil eyes.

In other news ... I am headed to the Big Apple ... the City that Never Sleeps ... NEW YORK CITY! In one week. I am so excited! I love the city - would totally live there if Stu would be willing. I'll see shows ... see some friends ... and attend a work seminar in Audience Development. That's right ... free vacation. With a little seminar thrown in. It's like going to one of those time share condo seminars, but getting to stay at a resort for free.

I bought myself a new coat. It's emerald green. And a hat. It's black. I'm going to throw my hat in the air a la Mary Tyler Moore. Perma-grin the whole week. Any must sees? Must dos? I have a whole day to enjoy! Let me know.

Alright ... deadlines list tomorrow. To be sure blogging will be on the list.
Smooches to all and to all a Happy New Year!

Tag. You're it.

I have been tagged by my friend, Liz. She tagged me a long time ago. I am slow to the posting. Here goes....

Four jobs that I have had:
Soda Jerk at Rockin' Robins
Waffle House waitress in Panama City Beach, FL
Publicity and Education Director (Broadway in Atlanta)
Marketing Manager (School of Theatre)

Four films I could watch over and over:
13 Going on 30
Never Been Kissed
The Princess Bride
Elf

Four places that I have lived:
Grayson, GA
Hazelhurst, WI
Cincinnati, OH
Tallahassee, FL

Four favorite TV shows:
Big Brother
The Hills
Grey's Anatomy
The Class ... but it was cancelled. Now I'll never know how it ends. Cry.

Four favorite foods:
String Cheese
Mom's Shrimp Creole
Mom's spaghetti
McDonald's french fries

Websites I visit everyday:
Two Peas in a Bucket
Joker's Updates (for the latest in Big Brother gossip)
Tons O' Blogs
CNN

Four Places I'd love to be:
New York City
My parent's house
In the car pick-up line with my diet coke and latest read waiting for the bell to ring.
The Beach. Any Beach.

Here is the part where I am supposed to tag other folks. I don't know if anyone reads this blog anymore. So...if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. That should cover it.

Did you miss me?

Took some unscheduled time off from blogging. Seems like everytime I came here to blog ... I either am called to do something else or I lose my train of thought. But here I am ... ready to catch up again!

Let's see ... in the time since we last spoke ... I have turned 31; went on a week long vacation to the beach with Michael and the folks (it was fabulous ... I'll post pictures soon); scrapbooked with crabby old women ... and Cindy (I'm not including here in the crabby old women part!); painted two and a half rooms in the house; got in touch with my emotions in a team bonding retreat at work; designed t-shirts, banners, posters and wrote a Marketing Manual.

I need another vacation.

I am also starting another blog with my friend Caleb. He just moved to NYC to start his career. We were talking about how we would both like to be better photographers - him for professional reasons and I for scrapbooking reasons. So we decided to do a photography blog. We assign a topic weekly and will each take pictures as to how that topic speaks to us in picture form. Then on Sunday we compile our pictures into a photostrip and upload to the blog. The idea came from this blog - 3191, only they post every day and without a topic. We just started this week. Our topic was HOME. (Because I wanted to see images of Caleb's apartment!) Here is our takes this week (Caleb's on top, mine is on bottom):

I think it is so interesting to see our different perspectives on the same theme. Next week, the topic is windows: real, figurative, imagined, doesn't have to be actual windows. I post here with those film strips as well.

*You can see the new Scrap room color (4th photo) and guest bathroom color (5th photo) in my photo strip.

Beachin' It.

We are headed to the beach this weekend with my parents. So excited! This has become a yearly vacation and I look forward to it all year. We lounge, we sun, we swim ... and not a whole lot else. It is FABULOUS!

I am not a very good tourist at the beach locales. Just give me sun, some form of water, a book and a chair. I don't go see the Forts or the alligator farms or the Ripley's museums. I leave the sightseeing to Stu and Michael. I become a vegetable. It is fabulous.

And I get to eat my momma's cooking. Does it get better? It does. I also get to hang with my friend Cindy. And scrapbook at a fabulous scrapbook store. It's the life, really.

I don't think that I will be able to blog while gone ... we'll see.
Catch y'all on the flip side.

Breaking News...

I just saw a guy get taken down by about 9 police officers with their guns drawn and a very large police dog. Right outside my window. It was awesome.

And one of the police officers waved to me as he was putting away his gun. And the suspect was on the ground being handcuffed.

So friendly around here.

Is it weird for me to wish I had my camera with me?

Home improvement is hard.

Home improvement is hard. And not without peril. And exhausting.
But so fun!

I don't have lovely photos to share just yet. As not a single room is completed.

I painted the cabinet in the bathroom. Then Stu and I were looking at our existing towel bar, and I decided I didn't like it. Too plain. Luckily, in Stu's eBay closet was the perfect towel bar. I knew his eBay closet would come in handy! So Stu set out to take it down. He did. And a large chunk of wall with it. The fixture was drywalled in. Yikes. So Sunday was spent cutting down wall board, joint compounding, sanding ... heavy duty stuff.

So, while waiting for joint compound to dry ... literally, I decided to paint the dining room. Which is soon to be my craft room. I spackled. I primed. I painted. And finished up the painting last night. I love, love the color. It is very bright. It's Martha Stewart. Wading Pool. Think Robin's egg blue. Bright. Tonight I will move in all the furniture. I just need to find a new lighting fixture for the room. I have an idea ... now to just find it.

I'm hoping for photos tomorrow. Hopefully!

When it's time to change You've Got to Rearrange...

Did any of you watch every single episode of The Brady Bunch growing up like me? Even the reunion movies ... like "A Very Brady Christmas" or "Brady Girls Get Married" or the movie spoofs? I was (and I guess one might say still am) a huge fan.

I have the soundtrack. I'm not kidding.

So anyway ... the point of this post is that I have the song lyrics "when it's time to change you've go to rearrange ..." running through my head on repeat. (This was the episode where Peter's voice was going through THE CHANGE and the Brady kids were entering a song competition and reworked the song to include his adorable cracking voice. I think they won. I'm not entirely sure of the ending, but I can tell you it was very feel good).

Again with the digressing ... I am once again rearranging furniture. I do this often. But this time new paint is involved. Yeah for new bright colors! I'll post before and after pictures. I'm hoping to paint the bathroom this Saturday as well as pick out new paint for the living room, dining room and Michael's room. We'll see how it goes. My husband thinks I'm nuts. He might just be right.

Family Photo

We bought Michael one of those disposable cameras while we were at Epcot so that he could record he favorite parts of the day as well (you know there is a scrapbook waiting to hold these photos!). He took what is now my favorite family shot. It's not in focus ... it is a self portrait, but I think it conveys our family in a 4x6 format. Makes me smile to look at it. Certainly not fancy ... but neither is my family. We are just us ... this photo is just us. Love that.

Summer Look.

Thought I would spruce up the blog with a new little summer banner. I needed a new look

Here's the 411 on the specifics of the banner:
Wood Grain - Kit by Jennifer Pebbles, twopeasinabucket.com
Orange Flower - Kit by Jen Lessinger, twopeasinabucket.com
Font - Steak, downloaded from dafont.com

Best Birthday Ever.

We're back!

And we had such a great time. The day was almost perfect ... we could have done without the three hour monsoon, but even that came at a good time and we made the most of it. Fun was had by all and we would have liked to have stayed for another few days. We have already started saving our pennies in hopes of going back to Disney at Christmas time.

Sadly, I am now back to real life and work. Ugh. But I will leave you with a couple of memorable quotes from the days:

Michael: "You guys planned this day. Just for me. And then kept it a secret? I have the best parents" (Melt my heart. You can have anything you want.)

Me (trying to convince Michael that he will love Test Track - the ride at Epcot): "...And the car goes 65 mph around the track!"
Michael: "That is totally fast!"
Me: "It is about as fast as Mommy drives on the highway"
Michael: "Oh ... then you mean really slow?" (Everyone loves a wise guy.)

I'll be back to give a longer synopsis of our weekend shortly. I'll say again ... we had such a great time!

I just can't hide it.

I am so excited about our trip this weekend. I just can't stand it. I couldn't sleep last night. I obviously need to get out more.

Surprises.

I hate surprises. but I love to surprise others though it is so hard for me not to spill the beans. I love to tease and give little hints. Especially to my son, partly because he hates surprises too.

This weekend, Michael is turning the big 8. 8! How is that possible? For his birthday, we are heading down to Orlando to go to Epcot. This trip has evolved from Sea World to the Pirate Adventure Dinner Theatre to Animal Kingdom to now Epcot. And I think we are sticking with it this time.

Michael has no idea where we are going. We started giving hints on Sunday with "we are going somewhere away from Tallahassee". His three guesses were 1. Pa and Nana's house, 2. China and 3. Japan (I think the last two were influenced by where we were at the time - Lucy Ho's).

Last night's clues were "we are staying in a hotel and we are fast tracking our way down there". (Fast Track is a ride at Epcot). He is dying for more clues. Stu thinks I am going to break down and tell him any day now. I'm trying hard not to do that.

I am so excited myself. I'm googling for tidbits of information. I haven't been to the Disney parks since I was 10, so I am assuming a lot has changed. Give me hints for us to have a great time at Epcot. We are only going to be at Epcot for one day ... Sunday and want to make the most of it. Any thoughts on a sit down dinner place in one of the countries? Bring on the 4-1-1!

Guinness Book. Accident Prone.

I have always been fascinated with the Guinness Book of World Records. I wanted to be one of those record holders. Wouldn't it be cool to say that you are so unique that you have your own world record? Like this woman I saw on Ellen yesterday. Longest toe nails in the world. Have no idea how she walks with them, but she has been growing those suckers since 1981. That is dedication.

I think I have found my world record. I am gaining on whomever has had the most windshields replaced in cars. Or for the most freak accidents.

I had my 5th windshield replaced this morning. A rock kicked up and hit my windshield on our drive home from Atlanta yesterday. Call Guinness ... I'm up and coming!

Most of my accidents are not really my fault. Once - I didn't even have to be in the car for the windshield to crack. I'm that good. Here's my list:

1. My first accident happened only 2 months after getting my license. I was in the Upton's parking lot, and backed into someone waiting for a parking space. Obviously, I didn't see her. I cried the whole way home and when I got home, my parents, upon seeing my hysterics, thought something was terribly wrong. Not a scratch on my car. Her car had a little $700 dent. But a few months later, I see her face on TV. Her son had been killed in an accident having to do with the Ford Saddlebag gas tanks and had just won a large settlement from Ford. I hit her probably during her litigation. How terrible!

2. My second accident was on my way to my first (and last!) Judo class. It was the summer of 1996 and I had just been to the Olympics to see Judo. (The Olympics are another thing I have always dreamed of being a part of ... love them! Apparently, I thought Judo might be the answer ... not so much). A woman made a left turn right into my car. I went to Judo anyway. Had my first windshield replaced with that accident.

3. The third accident happened while I was driving home from work in Atlanta. The plan was to meet my parents halfway so that they could take Michael for the night (I was running in a 5K the following day). I was on 75 North and the 18 wheeler in front of me ran over a sheet of metal in the road, kicking it up straight into my car. The auto body shop said that they had never seen a hood look like mine. It also destroyed my windshield ... lots of little glass shards came into the car. Did I stop when I ran into the sheet of metal? Nope. I was afraid that if I stopped, my car wouldn't keep going.

4. The fourth. The summer of 2005. We had a hurricane day, when we probably shouldn't have had one. It wasn't that bad ... just some gusts of wind. Those gusts of wind broke our neighbors tree in half and you guessed it ... the top fell on my car. And my windshield. Another replacement.

5. I have had other minor accidents ... running into things behind me. My dad ran into my car backing out of his driveway and took off the passenger side mirror. I ran into my friend's mailbox in high school and completely knocked it over. I'm not so good with the whole backing up thing.

And that's the reason I never drive. Rocks, metal, crazy left hand turners ... all attracted to me and my car. It is just not safe.

So .. call Guinness. I'm gearing up for my entry in the book of records!

Gas up the plane ... er Rodeo.

Alright, friends ... Michael and I are headed into the wild blue yonder. Or Atlanta whichever comes first. And really not Atlanta, because we are going to the parents house which is decidedly no longer in Atlanta, but two hours away.

Now that we've got that straight...

We'll be back on Wednesday. Michael has a cardiology appointment on Tuesday, and I have an appointment to get some tan on this pasty skin. Here's to floating in the lake ... lounging by the pool...not being at work.

Catch you on the flipside ... Peace out.

(Yes this means no updates until I get back. Unless I brave my parent's dial-up. Shudder. I'll see you on Wednesday. Maybe with pictures.)

Oh ... and I have lost 12 pounds. Holding steady at 1 1/2 inches off the waist. I've logged 16 miles this week. Some of those were running. Everytime I crank up Big Bertha (aka The Treadmill) to running speed .... I recite the line from forrest Gump ... "And I was run-ning..." Should I have not told y'all that?

I'm just not ready.

I'm just not ready to be a fashion maven, apparently. I'm returning the dress. I look quite awful in it. Someday I'll burn my black cardigan...someday.

But I walked almost 18 miles this week (I know that is not a lot for most people...but it's far for me!). And lost another 1/2 inch off my waist. My weigh in is on Monday. Hopefully I'll have lost some poundage. Lots of poundage.

I did it.

I know. I was going to wait to purchase the dress. But I couldn't. See I had a sign. Both Kim and Liz said Dress #2. And I logged back on to the website and Dress #2 went from $128.00 last night to $64.00 today. How could I not purchase? So...I just did and in 5-8 days we have to go out.

Because it's not often that I dress up. That's reason enough.
Now... off to find some shoes and jewelry! Any suggestions?
Apparently, y'all's suggestions automatically take 50% off. Love that!

What to wear.

I need help from the fashionistas. Stu got a bit of bonus money in his paycheck this month (all that hard work is paying off! yeah for Stu!). And while we are being completely responsible with it, I am able to make a little splurge for myself. Isn't that fabulous?

I don't buy clothes for myself very often (anyone who sees me can attest to that ... I wear the same black cardigan for everything. Kind of like a female version of Mr. Rogers, except I don't have more than one. But I digress...)

I'm trying to decide between three dresses. I want a dress that I can wear to work, that I can wear on the weekends, and that I could wear out for a night out with the girls (Hear that girls...if I buy this dress, we need to have a night out - we'll go to Jacksonville).

Anyway - I think I like these three. Vote. Tell me which one you love. And remember it's going on me. Chubby McChubberson.

Music moves me.

I love music. Really. I do.

I think it started in high school. Trying to find that perfect song for any occasion ... for that mixed tape for my best friend, or boyfriend. With my first job (at Rockin' Robins!), I would take my tip money and purchase a new CD. Sometimes, I would just base my decision on the name of the group or the cover art just to expose myself to different tunes. I still do it now. With each paycheck, I log onto iTunes and purchase 5 songs. Every two weeks. I love it.

I used to make mix tapes/CDs for every occasion. Driving Music. Make out music (I mean, I never used it for that purpose. really). Sing out loud music. I think I even had a Bedtime mix. I love song lyrics that I can relate to. Songs that say what I am feeling. Or even songs that I make up my lyrics too, but has a funky beat and I can dance to it.

I thought I would share last Friday's music downloads. I have eclectic taste, but I think I am in my singer/songwriter Indie Rock phase right now. I'm so Emo.

Comfort - Deb Talan
Deb Talan is the lead singer of the band The Weepies. I love that band and I love Deb's voice. This is a great song.

Hey There Delilah - Plain White Ts
This song is just a fun sing along kind of song. It makes you wish that your name is Delilah and this little guy is singing this song to you. "Times Square can't shine as bright as you". Love it.

Extraordinary - Mandy Moore
I know what you are thinking ... what? Mandy Moore. Dude. This is a fabulous song. And it was produced by the aforementioned Weepies. This sounds nothing like her first foray into Pop with the Candy song. This is great. And makes me feel empowered. Well...maybe not ... but it sounded good, right?

Death Came and Got Me - Rosie Thomas
Rosie Thomas is one of my favorites. Her voice grabs you and doesn't let go. And her songwriting? I feel like a lot of her lyrics could have been written by me (if I had a penchant for such a thing ... which I don't). Rosie gets me. and I get her. I think we are meant to be BFFs.

My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence
This was one of those impulse purchases. I have just discovered this band called The Hush Sound and This Providence was discovered by the same person ... who also discovered Panic at the Disco. I wish I could remember the discoverer's name. But it escapes me at this very moment. It might come to me later. Anyway ... another great sing along in the summer kind of song.

That was last Friday's purchase ... and tonight I am searching for next Friday's downloads. I'll probably blog those too. And let me know if any of you have any recommendations. I love most anything ... well except hard core rap. And most country.

Bangs. Or no Bangs.

I am getting my haircut tomorrow. Yes ... for those of you in the know (and I'll have to blog about this later) ... by the same lady. She wore me down. What can I say? I'm a pushover.

So...I am getting my hair cut and highlighted. And once again, I want something new. I like this haircut. It's easy. It's breezy. But now I'm thinking about adding bangs to the cut. Wispy bangs that can be brushed to the side. That look effortless, but will require some maintenance.

Like what about something like Nicole Richie (took picture out. too many hits on that one image. Weird, right?). Now keep in mind I am no where near to her level of skinniness. And when I say no where near ... I'm talking Pluto's distance to the sun.

I know that there are plenty of other people with sideswept bangs, but I can't think of them right now. We'll see how I feel when I wake up in the morning. Maybe I'll get a faux hawk? Or maybe not.

Bentos. Fresh and Full of Life.

I have to admit. I can become completely obsessive about something new. It consumes me. I won't talk about my past obsessions, but let's just say that they could be deemed odd.

My latest? Bentos.

It started out mildly enough. I was looking for a better lunch box. Mine isn't perfect and as I take my lunch everyday, I wanted something that could keep my lunch cold without venturing into the dreaded nasty office kitchen. And I wanted something with compartments, because I am using a lot of gladware (I'm also weird in that I don't want my food to touch - like in salads. I don't want the onion to contaminate the cucumber until just before I eat them).

Anyway, I found Laptop Lunches. I think it might be a good solution. In perusing this site, I stumbled upon a Laptop Lunch flickr group. Thus leading me down the path to the Bento lunch lifestyle.

I am not lying when I tell you that I stayed up until 3:00 in the morning perusing the various Flickr groups dedicated to the Bento lunch. I'm going to need a 12 step program. Stat.

Go here. If you dare. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Whittling away to nothing.

Well not quite nothing ... yet ...
I lost another 4 pounds! AND! An inch off my waist
That is 6 pounds total. And an inch and a half total.
Yeah for Gilmore Girls and my treadmill.
And Michael...my little Drill Sergeant.

New pages.

Just thought I would share my three latest pages. Kinda sappy ... must be my mood lately?

Work Antics

Michael came to work with me today. And he will be coming to work with me all next week as well. Camp doesn't start until June 4th anywhere. Anywhere. Sadly - work does NOT stop and so he goes with me.

We were able to leave early today because it was the day before Memorial Day weekend and no one was around. Tumbleweeds blew by. It was quiet. Except at The Loop. Weird.

Anyway, my boss comes in to tell me to pack it up for the day and Michael is sad. He doesn't want to leave. What? I've already got my bag packed, computer turned off, heading for the door and he is begging to stay.

But then I remember. When I was a kid, I loved loved when my parents would take me to work with them. I would pack a bag of toys and play cards with stuffed animals at my mom's work. My dad worked in a warehouse with all sorts of motorized transportation that if I was lucky, daddy would let me drive. Loved going there.

We had a great day today. I'm thinking, though, that by next Friday Michael will be ready for camp. There is only so much fun in watching Mommy design ads and posters after all. On second thought, can I go to camp with Michael? More fun, me thinks.

PAGG: 42 minutes yesterday to Episode 1 Season 1 of the Gilmore Girls. Tonight, 30 minutes. I was feeling a bit tired.

I just picked Michael up from school. His after school program had a DJ (in the house!) and hosted a dance party. Michael said:

"I danced like my booty fell off."

Should I check lost and found?

Grey's Anatomy Quiz

As seen on Liz's blog, the Which Character are you on Grey's Anatomy quiz..

I am:

You're Meredith

You don't always make the right choices, but you get points for trying, bouncing right back, and starting over. For being so "dark and twisty", you have a surprisingly sunny outlook on life. You're quick to jump into new relationships but just as quick to jump out. After the example your parents set, learning to trust someone else takes just about everything you've got.

Really? Meredith? I didn't think I was so dark and twisty. And I have a great relationship with my parents. Interesting.

Two posts in one day. Rocking.

PAGG: Haven't updated in a while. 35 minutes on Monday. 35 minutes on Tuesday. Just got in Gilmore Girls Season 1 from Blockbuster Online, so expect these numbers to go up tomorrow. I think it is 42 minutes per episode. Hooray!

Kinda Gross But...

I will warn you, dear readers, that I am about to ask the mystery of life. A question that has plagued the world for years....decades...centuries. (See how this is completely hyped up...I'm creating the drama. Hey...I am theatrical after all).

Why is it that when a possum, armadillo, aardvark is hit by a car do they automatically roll over on their backs and stick their four feet straight up to the heavens? Of course this doesn't always happen ... there is a certain amount of *squishiness* that can occur in these instances, but ... I passed two of these creatures on my way in to work on Monday (it's Wednesday and they are still there. Not as pristine as they were on Monday, mind you, but still there). Both with all four legs up. Does gravity reverse when these animals are hurt?

I just don't think that if I was hit by a car that I would raise my arms and legs. I'm just saying.

And so the sneak peek into my inner most thoughts has ended.
(I promise pictures soon. I know...this blog totally needs pictures. I'm working on it.)

Because my last post was a bit of a downer ... I thought I would list 5 things I am loving at this moment.

1. That my scale read two pounds lighter this morning. Despite my failed attempt at healthful eating last night at dinner. There just might be something to this whole exercise thing.

2. The new salad bowl I purchased at Target. It comes with a dressing holder and a fork. With their own little compartments. And it's green. Eating salad has never made me happier.

3. Our little robot vacuum cleaner gizmo. When Stu brought these home to sell on e-Bay, I thought he was crazy. And apparently so did others, because he couldn't sell all of them. I got one. And love it. Gets all of Nellie's yellow dog hair off of my brown rug. I just need a little one to run over the black futon that my yellow haired dog likes to sleep on.

4. Pandora.com - Life saver at work. this is an Internet radio site - you just start with an artist or song that you like, then you can add others to include to that station. Pandora finds other like sounding artists to add to your station. I have a long list of new (to me) artists to download to iTunes.

5. Mechanical pencils. I really feel like they make my handwriting so much better.

Also, I just realized TODAY that Michael is out of school on Thursday. Not Friday. What? I even argued with Michael last night that he was wrong about when the last day of school was. Guess I owe him an apology.

PAG(G) Late Reports...

Oops...just so I can keep up with these PAG reports...I have walked 35 minutes for the past 6 days in a row. I'm the winner.

Keeping up ...

Now that my friends have entered the blog world, I feel a need to keep up with this thing. That included a little banner up top. That thing is huge. Help a girl out ... how do I make that sucker smaller? I also included their links over to the right...I'll keep updating that portion. I visit quite a few blogs ... I'm nerdy like that ... so that list will grow and grow.

I'm going to put a little P.A.G(G) tag at the bottom of all of my posts. It will be my Pansy Ass Girly Girl accountability-keep up with me to see if I am still doing it counter kind of thing. I'll tell you what I did last night. I know you are all so interested! Or not. But I'll just think you are. How's that?

Now I need to plot a power outage at the DOR so that Stu won't work late tonight and I can go watch Grey's at Liz's .... (do you think I am now on the Top Ten Most Wanted list with that last statement? I was just kidding...Mr. FBI officer)

P.A.G(G): 35 minutes on the treadmill last night. Walking. Not running. Remember? I'm still a P.A at this point.

21 Days...

I've heard that it takes 21 days to make a habit...I'm ready to throw in the towel after 2. I'm on another exercise kick.. Started Monday. It's Wednesday. I'm tired, y'all. Michael is my trainer and counts my reps for me. He's hardcore. And takes his role very seriously. I'm thinking a drill sargent in training. I've walked, I've done crunches, back extentions, push-ups, lunges. I'm sore.

I'm pathetic.

But seriously ... I'm keeping up with it this time. And if I don't ... please kick my butt and tell me to stop whining. But do it nicely so I don't get my feelings hurt. Not like Michael who calls me a pansy ass girly girl. Alright he might not say anything remotely like that ... but it was used for effect.

Let the good times roll.

I stink.

No really ... I stink at this whole blog thing.
But now school is out for summer (singing ... School's out forevah...), so I have a ton of time on my hands. Time for backyard raking. And Pirate costume sewing. The fun stuff.

Mother's Day was great. Mom and Daddy surprised me with ROSES on Saturday. They are beautiful. I brought 3 of them to work with me in a mason jar to give me a little pep throughout the day. Love that. Stu and Michael gave me lots of fun ... tulips, a book, a homemade card with my scrapbooking supplies. Michael made a poster in school along with a picture of him holding the poster. So cute. We enjoyed the day together. Stu has been working so much lately so he took Sunday off from work as well. Much fun was had by all.

I'll have more interesting things to say later. I'm certain of it. And hopefully those interestings things will come much sooner than 6 months later. Like my last post!

And so it is February...

It's February. How did that happen? Where does the time go?